Startup Relationships: the Good, Bad and Ugly
Most startup relationships start with looking for a co-founder. The same way you look for an individual with a particular personality(or appearance) that complements yours in dating, one looks for someone with a specific skill set or experience that complements their own. Often times this is already someone you've been familiar with for sometime; or like looking for a date via OkCupid, sometimes you actively hunt for them via Twitter or forums and events. Most importantly, like dating, you also need to get someone who will be ready to weather the waves through thick and thin!
The Good
Startups are not all gloom. The early days of a startup, for instance, are often exciting; building a new technology or using technology to fundamentally change the way people do a certain thing, meeting deadlines, getting the first customers, watching your features execute succesfully ...etc. This is sure to keep levels of serotonin and dopamine high. Like a new relationship, when there's still plenty mystery and you can't get enough of each other, where you're fascinated by the silliest things, new startups are bliss. Other times when relationships are bound to be at their strongest bonds is when things are going right; hitting milestones, raising a round, on-boarding the first hires, good press coverage...
The bad
There are times when things aren't as smooth; customers start complaining, clients fire you, the competition whacks your ass, you get negative reviews and bad press coverage, employees quit, when you're running on the spot - sales are flatlining or dipping. Tempers tend to flare and you often can't see eye-to-eye; blame games and accusations can become frequent.
The ugly
Many factors could drive startup relationships off the cliff; Ugly times could be caused by when you're on your last coins and no investor wants to look your way; when you're knee-deep in debt with no way out in sight. It could be the competition is crushing you into oblivion. Maybe be you're burning money with very little or no ROI.
It is not uncommon for co-founders to have rivalry. This could be the case(but not limited to) when role definitions aren't clearly spelt out from the onset, or when trust is a problem.
Unreasonable co-founders may resort to unfair acts in the hope of punishing the other(s) or expressing displeasure; a CTO compromising or blocking access to crucial tools, a CEO bulldozing the removal of a co-founder from the team and so on. Ugly times may be characterized by frequent divergent opinions, talking through things becomes laborious, and in extreme cases can get physical. Unchecked, the emotional effects of bad times themselves can kill a startup faster than the challenges the startup itself is facing.
The good, bad and ugly of startups can all happen within a day, or they can be spread over a year, or five. Every startup has its peaks and dips, but not all experience the extremes. Being able to remain rational when it gets ugly often determines whether the relationship(and often times the startup) will survive or not. Unresolved differences are dead weight; they weigh down on a startup, slowing operations and can very easily grind everything to a halt. If you're increasingly spending more time pulling in different directions than seeing eye-to-eye, then it's probably a good idea to break up and chart different paths.
On the flipside, a lot of co-founders end up being lifelong buddies and long-time partners in the same or different ventures.